this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
