matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
