i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
