do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
