oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
