you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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