i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
