hotel room ftw
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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