**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
