I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
