There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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