he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
