i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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