my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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