wake up i wanna do it froggy style
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
