I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
