where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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