I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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