no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
