Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
