I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Screwed.edu
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
