the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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