herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize