Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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