Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
