They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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