I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
