im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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