Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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