my mouth tastes like poor choices
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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