I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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