im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize