I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
