I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
