I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize