im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Couch. On fire.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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