shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my poor anus
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
