I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
