Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
