He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
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I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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