oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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