I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
