I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
