I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
3pm strippers are depressing
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I need water and some morals
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
