She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
