i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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