I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
