I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
