i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
