doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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