My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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