talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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