i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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