You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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