I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
