im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
