Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
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someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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