Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
