My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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