I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
