I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
