I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
