Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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