It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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