Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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