Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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